there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
