Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
