AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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