quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize