well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
