please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
