My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
