I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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