I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
