So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
