His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
