Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
