I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
