So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is my life. Enjoy the view
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
