If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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