Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm too high and old for this...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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