just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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