even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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