Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
