i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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