Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
