Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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