Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize