I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
