none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
