We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're like the curious george of whores
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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