At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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