I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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