She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
