the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just tell him i said nine months
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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