Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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