sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
