Just cropdusted the office
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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