i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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