i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
