Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
