We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize