i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
