Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
