Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
