Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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