so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
