Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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