he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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