I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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