Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
