my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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