thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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