Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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