He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
