i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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