So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
please come you make the beer taste better
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
