Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
