I cannot find my penis.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
