If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
