Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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