In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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