It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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