If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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