Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
