Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
