I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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