If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
