Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
