What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
