help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
