Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize