i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
