i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
