ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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