...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
