i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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